If you are lucky you may have already been the best man for one of your friends or family members. If you have, you will know how much planning, commitment and stress it takes to do the job effectively and efficiently. If you have not, then you should understand that being a best man requires a huge investment of time and energy in organising everything that needs to be done.
With that in mind, the Groom List has put together this quick guide to helping you pick the best best man for the job.
The C.V. test
As noted above, being an effective best man requires significant administrative, organisational and interpersonal skills. Your best man will primarily be responsible for planning the stag do and liaising with all of your mates, making sure they all get to the same place at the same time. He will also be required to give a speech in front of all your guests; ask yourself, will they be ok with standing up and talking in front of a large crowd and can they be trusted to not take any embarrassing banter too far?
Above all your best man needs to be reliable. They will be required to help out with anything you ask them and should be able to give you the support you need to get through the morning of the wedding. If one of your prospective best men is known for being a bit flaky or non-committal then perhaps you should give them a miss.
If you already know who your best man is going to be – be it your brother or your best friend – then you may not have much choice when it comes to assessing their soft skills. If however you have a group of candidates to pick from, treat them as if they had each applied for a job. Who has the best set of abilities to take on the role with ease?
Managing the political situation
Every brother or male friend of yours is just dying to get the call-up to be best man. You may feel under pressure from them, your fiancée or from other family members to choose someone in particular, but you should not let concerns about what other people think dictate how you make your decision. If you think you may hurt someone’s feelings by not asking them to be your best man then try to include them in the wedding in another capacity. Could they be an usher or give a reading during the ceremony for example?
If you end up being really stuck and just cannot decide between two or more people do not be afraid to break the mould and have more than one best man. Often this can be a blessing in disguise as it allows for the workload to be split up between them. They will have to co-ordinate amongst themselves with regards to the speeches and who holds the rings but you should certainly consider this option.
Decide early, decide conclusively
Whatever you decide on doing you should make sure you tell the person you have selected as soon as possible. Your best man will be your right hand man during all the preparations and you will want to have them on board as early in the process as you can. Being appointed best man is an honour for any chap and you should recognise the importance of the occasion – think about taking them out to lunch or down the pub for a few drinks before you drop the news on them.
Crucially, once you have told everyone who your best man is you really shouldn’t then change your mind. Unless there is a major bust up between the two of you – or they prove that they are drastically not up to the job – you should stick with your decision. If you have any concerns at a later date then take these up with your best man directly to see if they can be addressed.